Don’t Waste Your Pain – the book is here!
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HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? I want you to know that you’re not alone and there is hope! While no one has gone through exactly what you have, many others have had deeply painful experiences. In “Don’t Waste Your Pain” you’ll join me and the people I’ve met as we share the lessons we’ve learned on our journey from brokenness to healing. As you do, you’ll find new purpose in life and discover how our experiences – even the painful ones – won’t be wasted!
Packed with encouraging stories of God’s tender intervention in the midst of difficult circumstances, this is a book you will find hard to put down. I highly recommend it!
Norma-Jean Mainse, First Senior Producer, 100 Huntley Street and Wife of late David Mainse
Videos, Resources and more, for each chapter of the book
Scroll down or select your chapter below to jump to that section
- Chapter 1: Hurting? You’re Not Alone!
- Chapter 2: Healing is Possible
- Chapter 3: Your Past Doesn’t Determine Your Future
- Chapter 4: Don’t Keep Your Pain Locked Up Inside
- Chapter 5: Our Wounded Healer
- Chapter 6: New Meaning for the Hurts of Life
- Chapter 7: Equipped Through Brokenness
- Chapter 8: God Can Turn Your Life Around!
- Chapter 9: The Pain of Loss and Shattered Dreams
- Chapter 10: Forgiveness and Freedom
- Chapter 11: Look Beyond Your Own Brokenness
- Chapter 12: It’s Not Too Late!
- Chapter 13: Don’t Waste Your Pain!
Chapter 1: Hurting? You’re Not Alone!
In chapter one, I share about some of my first experiences of pain and the abuse that I went through as a child. This marked me in deep and profound ways that would impact the rest of my life.
Story Highlight:
We also saw Margaret’s story and the amazing truth that no matter how deep our pain, God can give us hope! Discover more of Margaret’s story of overcoming abuse and the freedom she found in her book “Scars Don’t Hurt.”
Reflection:
- Do you think that it’s possible to overcome the pain in our lives?
- Do you feel that there is hope for you?
- What part of Margaret’s story speaks to you most?
- This is one example of how the Bible describes those who are broken:
Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless;
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
for comforters, but I found none. – Psalm 69:20
Take some time to write a reflection on this verse. Can you relate to how the author felt?
Chapter One Key: There is hope!
Chapter 2: Healing is Possible
In chapter two we discovered that healing is possible as we surrender our lives to Jesus. When we begin to realize that we are in need of God’s grace and help, he can meet us in his supernatural power and transform us from the inside out!
Story Highlight:
Our parents and upbringing have a huge effect on us. In this chapter, I tell the story of how my dad and grandfather both came to know the Lord – in powerful ways – despite difficult upbringings. This had a deep impact on me and the trajectory of my own life.
Dad and Mom Willoughby
Reflection:
- Do you feel like you’re running from the pain or the memories of the past?
- Can you think of other people in the Bible that were running from God, or who seemed to have messed up, and yet who God used?
- What part of my dad’s story spoke to you the most? Why?
- Have you ever encountered God personally by opening your heart and life to Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord?
Chapter Two Key: Hope and healing starts with surrendering to Jesus!
Chapter 3: Your Past Doesn’t Determine Your Future
In chapter 3 we discovered that our past doesn’t determine our future. Even though we may have done wrong things – or had wrong things done to us – that does not have to define us or determine our future. God can redeem, transform and use us no matter what we’ve been through!
Story Highlight:
Maury Blair’s story is an incredible testimony of the way God can turn a terrible situation around for good. You can listen to more of Maury’s powerful testimony in his own words, below:
Reflection:
- Which biblical figure mentioned in this chapter can you identify with most easily? Why is this the case?
- What aspects of Maury Blair’s story impacted you personally? Why?
- Do you think God could work powerfully in someone else’s life through you? Why or why not? How did Jesus and the apostle Paul look at this issue (Luke 12:11, 12; John 15:5; Philippians 4:13; Romans 8:31, 37)?
Do you agree with C. S. Lewis that God shouts to us in our pain? Do you think God has ever tried to teach you anything through the pain you’ve gone through?
Chapter Three Key: Your past doesn’t determine your future!
Chapter 4: Don’t Keep Your Pain Locked Up Inside
In chapter four we learn about the right and the wrong responses to pain. We cover the “fight,” “flight,” or “freeze” response. (Which one is more common for you?)
A very helpful counseling ministry that we went to is called “Emerge Counseling Ministries” You can visit their website at: www.emerge.org or click their logo below for more information. They were so helpful, not only in walking us through the pain of our past, but also helping us sort through issues in our marriage as well.
Story Highlight:
We touch on my College years in Springfield (where I was in the Revivaltime choir), as well as my two years at EPBC in Canada where I met Gloria!
Revivaltime, 1970
(Back row, 3rd from right)
Our wedding – 1972
I also speak of the deep pain inflicted by a fellow believer when I was a young minister. These wounds devastated me for years and caused great self-doubt.
One of the quotes in the book is by Paul David Tripp, who said,
So our lives are shaped not just by what we suffer but by what we bring to our suffering. What you think about yourself, life, God, and others will profoundly affect the way you think about, interact with, and respond to the difficulty that comes your way.“
You can find his helpful book “Suffering: Gospel hope when life doesn’t make sense” here:
Reflection:
- Have you ever been devastated by the critical comments of others? Did it change the way you looked at yourself? How?
- Did you share your pain with a friend? With God? What was the result?
- What does God have to say to broken people? (See Psalm 34:8-10, 17-19 and Psalm 46:1)?
- What part of my own story spoke to you the most? Why?
Chapter Four Key: Don’t keep your pain to yourself!
Chapter 5: Our Wounded Healer
Chapter five introduces the idea of Jesus being our wounded healer. Because he went through pain, He can help us as we go through pain. Even more encouraging, is the fact that he can transform our pain and redeem it.
Story Highlight:
Back in the mid 70’s the Lord put a great burden on my heart for late-night television. It was then that I met David Mainse for the first time and had him on my program “Alive Now!”
It was a beautiful reminder that God can use us in spite of our weakness and pain. He can make us truly ‘alive now’ because He became our wounded healer.
In the helpful devotional “Grace Notes,” by Philip Yancey, we are reminded,
The fact that Jesus came to earth where he suffered and died does not remove pain from our lives. But it does show that God did not sit idly by and watch us suffer in isolation. God became one of us”
Yancey’s books “Grace Notes” and his best-seller “Where is God When it Hurts?” are available here:
Grace Notes
Where is God When it Hurts
You can listen to Rebecca’s song “Healer” below. Always remember that there is a Healer, Jesus, who loves you and is at your door!
Reflection:
- What do you say to yourself when someone wounds you? How could Paul’s words in Romans 8:31-39 give you a new perspective on your situation?
- Are you surprised that Jesus did not run away from pain in his life? How does that affect you?
- Have you ever considered Jesus as your ‘wounded healer’ before?
- Why does the cross give broken people hope (Isaiah 53:4-6; Colossians 1:13-22)?
- Richard Dobbins stated, ”It is what you say to the things that happen to you which is more important than the things that happen to you.” Do you believe that to be true? If so, why?
Chapter Five Key: Jesus is our Wounded Healer
Chapter 6: New Meaning for the Hurts of Life
In chapter six we saw that God can give new meaning to the hurt and pain in our lives. God has actually given us pain for a reason – to let us know when we are hurt and injured. This isn’t done to keep us in distress, but so that we are able to reach out to Him for healing!
Story Highlight:
I was privileged to host Dr. Paul Brand, the renown expert on leprosy and pain, on the program. In his best-selling book “The Gift of Pain” he tells the powerful story of Tanya, a young girl born without any feeling of pain. His insights help us to understand why God created our bodies to experience pain.
We also had Mickey Robinson – who survived a flaming plane crash and was left disfigured – share. You can find his full testimony on 100 Huntley Street, below:
We also mentioned Pam Thum’s song, “Life is Hard, but God is good.” Take a listen below, or check it out on iTunes here.
Reflection:
- Paul Brand suggests that a life without pain can really hurt you. How have the hurts in your life helped you?
- Where did Mickey Robinson get the courage to keep going?
- Can you identity with the story of Joseph? What does his story say to you about God’s purpose for your life? (See Genesis 50:18-20; as well as Psalm 34:15-19; Jeremiah 15:10; Philippians 2:12, 13).
- How have you responded to the people that caused you pain? Would you like to respond differently? If so, how?
Chapter Six Key: God can give new meaning to the pain of our past
Chapter 7: Equipped Through Brokenness
It is amazing how our painful experiences can actually equip us with tools we can use to help others going through pain. After the hard years early in the ministry, the Lord gave me a vision for late-night television, and we piloted the program, “Alive Now!”
David Mainse with me on “Alive Now”
Story Highlight:
One of the guests we had on 100 Huntley Street back in those early days was Joni Eareckson Tada, who had beomce a quadripalegic after a diving accident. Her story has inspired millions around the world. We don’t have a video from her time with us, but you can find a great interview with Larry King below:
Joni’s written a number of books that are very helpful for those going through difficulty. “A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain and God’s Sovereignty” tackles these tough topics head-on.
Reflection:
- Do you believe that our brokenness can become our greatest source of strength?
- How is God’s grace shown through our weakness?
- Have you ever felt, like Gideon, that God couldn’t use you?
- If you were Joni Eareckson, how do you think you would have responded?
- Have you ever considered that the ‘school of pain’ is essential if we’re ever going to help others?
Chapter Seven Key: Our pain equips us to bring healing to others
Chapter 8: God Can Turn Your Life Around!
After the brief run of “Alive Now” I was asked by David Mainse to join him in the launch of “100 Huntley Street.” It is truly wonderful to see how God has used that program through the decades (it’s the longest-running talk-show in Canada) and, more importantly, the millions of lives it has touched and encouraged.
The 100 Huntley Street team in 1977
(I’m on the front row, 4th from right)
Story Highlight:
We had many people on 100 Huntley Street when I was the guest coordinator. Check out some of their testimonies and stories in this vintage footage below!
Billy Graham
Keith Green – testimony
Ernie Hollands – from maximum security to Jesus!
Brother Andrew – God’s Smuggler
Paul with Brother Andrew at Crossroads in 2000
Discover the incredible story of Brother Andrew in his best-selling book “God’s Smuggler.”
Reflection:
- A seed needs to be buried before it can bring forth fruit. Have you ever felt ‘buried’ before? Do you believe God can bring fruit out of your life and experiences?
- How did God use Brother Andrew’s experiences of pain to fulfill His purpose for his life?
- Naomi called herself “bitter,” feeling that God had forsaken her and given her a bitter life and future. Have you ever felt that way before?
Chapter Eight Key: God can bring fruit out of difficult experiences
Chapter 9: The Pain of Loss and Shattered Dreams
Our years in Uganda taught us about the deep pain and loss that others are going through.
Story Highlight:
Some of our dear associates in East Africa suffered greatly under Idi Amin and the ensuing chaos in Uganda. But even in those dark times God was showing Himself faithful!
One of the many tanks left abandoned from Idi Amin’s time
Pastor Charles Okwir (pink shirt), near where he was abducted
Not My Own
It was at that time that we wrote the song “My Life is Not My Own.” In fact, the Lord put quite a few songs in our hearts during those challenging years, and we eventually put them together in a CD. You can find the album on our website, or at the links below:
Available now on:
Reflection:
- What is your view of the sovereignty of God (Job 42:1-6, 10; Psalms 37:1-11, 23-25; 73:21-28)?
- Is it ever okay to question God or to express your doubts to Him?
- Do you believe that one day God will “wipe away every tear?” Does that seem possible?
- What part of the story of Francis Manana could you relate to the most? Why?
Chapter Nine Key: Even in hard times God is trustworthy!
Chapter 10: Forgiveness and Freedom
In this chapter we focus on what forgiveness is – and is not.
Story Highlight:
Corrie Ten Boom suffered terribly for hiding Jews during world war 2 in Germany. Mistreated and humiliated in Ravensbruck concentration camp, Corrie watched her sister die. Yet by God’s grace she was able to forgive those that were responsible for the death of her family.
Below are a couple videos of her life. The first is “The Hiding Place” – the powerful movie of her life; as well as a recent documentary of her role in saving so many Jews.
Reflection:
- Have you ever had the experience of being forgiven when you didn’t deserve it? What were the circumstances? How did it feel? How did it affect your life (Ephesians 2:8-10; 1 John 1:6, 7)?
- Why is it important to understand what forgiveness does not mean?
- What do you think of the quote, “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner is you”? Have you ever been in the ‘prison’ of unforgiveness?
- If you had been in Corrie’s position, would you have been able to forgive?
- Why is forgiveness so important in releasing us to God’s purpose for our lives (Psalms 32:1-7; Matthew 6:14, 15; 18: 21-35; Ephesians 4:26, 27, 30-32)?
Chapter Ten Key: Forgiveness is essential for true Freedom!
Chapter 11: Look Beyond Your Own Brokenness
After some time back in Canada where the Lord worked healing in our own hearts, we moved to India and began working there. As we did, our eyes were opened to the pain that so many were going through because of poverty and abuse.
Story Highlight:
Graham and Gladys Staines were family friends, and their children went to the same boarding school as our kids. Tragedy struck when Graham and his two boys were burnt alive by fundamentalists for their Christian work among lepers. How did Gladys react? How could she forgive?
You can find out more about Gladys and Graham Staines through the recently released movie “The Least of These” as well as the interview with Gladys below:
Reflection:
- Are you aware of the pain that is around you?
- Why is it important to look beyond ourselves?
- How could Gladys Staines forgive those that killed her husband and two sons?
Chapter Eleven Key: Healing accelerates when we look beyond ourselves!
Chapter 12: It’s Not Too Late!
We eventually moved back to Canada where the dream of being involved in late-night television was finally realized! My years of producing and hosting Nite Lite Live showed me the deep pain that so many were walking through.
Story Highlight:
One of the many guests I had on the program was Pattie Malette, Justin Bieber’s mom. She would often call into the program and say how it helped her through some difficult times. Eventually, I arranged for her to come on the program and share her story.
Pattie with me on Nite Lite Live back in 2006
Below, you can listen to a short clip of her powerful testimony from her second appearance on Nite Lite in 2008.
After Pattie was on Nite Lite I helped arrange for her to be on the program “Full Circle.” You can see a clip of Pattie on the program below, joined by her son Justin (his first tv appearance!)
A few other guests that we had on the program shared powerfully about God’s grace in the midst of their pain:
Tressa Lemke – Glamour, Guilt and Grace
Scott Forbes – Facing Depression
Reflection:
- Are there dreams that God has given you that have yet to see fulfillment?
- Do you find it hard to establish boundaries in your life?
- Do you make time with God a priority?
Chapter Twelve Key: It is never too late to begin again!
Chapter 13: Don't Waste Your Pain
After 12 years ministering on-air to those that were hurting, the Lord led us to begin working to help an organization helping to educate the poor, and rescue girls caught in human trafficking.
Story Highlight:
“Akshara” is one of many girls who were sold into prostitution. Gratefully, she was rescued by our ministry partners, received an education, and is now a nurse working in difficult circumstances to bring freedom to others!
Like the others we met along our journey, such as Corrie Ten Boom, Gladys Staines, Maury Blair, and Margaret Davidson – Akshara’s life shows us that what the devil meant for evil, God can turn to good! If we surrender our lives to Jesus and allow Him to bring healing into those broken areas of our lives, He can transform us. He can even use our hurts and painful experiences to bring hope to others!
Reflection:
- Why does God want you to not waste your pain? What can happen if you allow Him to transform it?
- Can you think of something of value that you have learned through your pain?
- Reflect for a moment on the pain that others around you are going through. Are there ways that the lessons you have learned can help bring healing to others?
- According to Paul in Romans 5:1-5, what does suffering lead to? Has this been your experience?
Steps to Healing
Click here for a pdf of the “Steps to Healing” that we mention in the book.
Chapter Thirteen Key: Don’t Waste Your Pain!
Before You Go
We’re so glad that you’ve made it to the end of the book “Don’t Waste Your Pain”! At the same time, we know that the journey to healing is never over. If you’ve gone through something deeply traumatic, we suggest that you reach out to a counselor who is equipped to walk with you on your journey.
We also know that we all have good days and bad days, so during those tough moments we encourage you: don’t give up! God has a plan for you, and there is hope!
Finally, we’d love your feedback!
- If you enjoyed the book, it would be a great help to others if you could write a review here.
- I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to send me an email or leave a comment below.
Help us rescue those stuck in the pain of abuse and human trafficking.
Find out more here.